Sleep Apnoea

21/9/2000
Well, everyone knows how well I snore, so it was time to get it documented.

Last night about 9:30pm. After answering an extensive questionnaire about how I slept (which can be a little challenging sometime) that included little gems such as how often your partner sleeps in another room?, and how is your libido? I was wired up in just about every imaginable way. Electrodes were placed behind the ears, on the scalp, forehead, under the eyes and on the chin, then heart monitor, and a couple on the shins for good measure. Add to that a couple of stretchy type band to measure breathing (one for chest and one for diaphragm) and topped of with a little gadget for (I think) measuring oxygen levels that wrapped around your ears and ended up under your nose in this hard little bobble thingy, quite distracting really. Ooh, and I forgot there is this red light thingy that was taped to the forefinger, and all of this was held in place with miles of surgical tape.

Next thing required to do, is go to sleep!

Easy you say, do it every day. Can do it laying down.

Well, always a good sleeper, I dutifully closed my eyes and tried to think of nothing. Then sheep, no synchronised swimming, no the GDP of small Central African Countries, hang on, lets try the speech of the South African Reserve Bank Governor (published in fine print in the economist). Wave after wave of fatigue washed over me, and just as I would be zoning out, the bastard mind would kick back in and think of something different. Each time I dozed, more of the edge of tiredness would be eroded so that by 12:30 I was feeling wide awake.

What was worse, was all the wiring went into this little box that was plonked on the edge of the bed where I normally stretch out my arms. With all this wiring I had to be careful on how I turned in bed, otherwise I would end up wound up in wire. Within half an hour I managed to push the pillow sideways (I like to put my head on the ends of the pillow) and pushed the whole lot onto the floor. Left me wondering why I couldn't reach a glass of water as the red light wire was holding me back.

You would think that whoever designed all this would have put a bit more thought into the positioning of all this kit. Not even a place to clip it to the headboard. This place does at least 2 sleepers a night, probably every night, so things like this should be sorted out. Not so.

Next problem was the ambient temperature of the hospital was about 21 degrees, and no way of controlling this. Not uncomfortable, but a bit warm to sleep with covers that provide that extra bit of security. Fortunately, the windows did open, and while that helped it did let in a little bit of light, and unfamiliar noises (though fortunately it opened out onto a quiet suburb rather than a busy road).

1:00am. I rang the bell and said I didn't think I was sleeping. I was promptly told that I had slept OK up till then, and all I need to do was relax, break the thinking cycle and sleep will happen. Read a little (tempting, I am trying to consume the economist weekly now) or flick on the TV (enough games replays for the moment thankyou). Offered a panadol (that sometimes helps people), but that sleeping pills would not happen if they are not prescribed anyway. They only require 2-3 hours of sleep pattern to make an assessment, so we tried again.

6:00am. Dawn chorus. A nice day ahead. 10 minutes later I was being helped out of the wiring. Much ripping of tape quickly off a hirsute body. Just thankful to be done. By 25 past I was in my car heading home for breakfast. While offered the choice of hospital breakfast, I felt that keeping contact to a minimum, including meals, I could pretend that I wasn't really in hospital. Hospitals are not great places in my book, and besides, my brand of muesli won out.

Now I go back for a followup appointment next Friday to discuss the results.

How well do you sleep? I plan to sleep real well tonight.